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| 4038 Posts & 487 Themen in 10 Foren |
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1252 Beiträge - Hardcoreposter
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Wer Englisch versteht, der hat jetzt etwas zu lachen 
Zitat
Stolen from a CB blog.. : yes its a long read you fags, but funny and true in places (hint: gers). Just scroll down to your nationality if you're that lazy.
UK: Well UK gamers are always arrogantly confident, but they lack individual skills and lean heavily on training and teamwork. However they are also heroically lazy and never actually do any training or work on teamwork, which is why they epically fail. English people also abuse for no reason more than any other nationality, yeah Germans abuse when you whoop them but English people abuse for no reason whatsoever. I also think English kids are less mature, Dutch 15 year olds keep a low profile, English 15 year olds hit Z, opening fucking in game mic chat and abuse you with there 3 octaves above middle C voices.
Dutch: Dutchies moan, a lot. They also seem the most naturally talented, but they moan, they also take smoking breaks all the time its well annoying, one sec they are on a supermachine with 12 ping the next they "crashed" and need to "hold" for exactly the time it takes for there key sniper to puff four sigs if he drags on two and a time in his mouth with one in each nostril. Luckily this means they don't last too long. I always find it ironic that dutch people use "Kanker" so much when its mostly them affected by it, but the truth is they moan too much. "I have 25 ping how I am supposed to snipe, I need a hooker and some joints now dude, get me a hooker, DUDE, this is taking too long, fucking ping slowing down my hooker"
Germans They pretty much all hack, all abuse, all moan and the average age is 14 with average mental age 5, luckily none of the German gaming population actually speak English so they won't read this, which suits me cause I would probably get spammed with 30,000 fucking binds which were all different varieties of "WRESISTANCE, LUL DAT IZ FUTILEZ"
French: The French have a refreshing laid back attitude to gaming, they pretty much sit there smoking and eating cheese while getting dominated and have an amazing attitude about it. I tend to get low pings on their servers to no real complaints there. What bugs me though is they always without fail overrate themselves, "nouse sommes med-high", no you are not med-high your, vous etes pathetic.....
Belgians: Belgians are just wanna be dutchies in every way, but nowhere near as good. Its an epic fail for Belgium, its funny cause in both world wars Germany just stomped all over them, and Holland, its seems in gaming Holland caught up but Belgium is still happy to just get stomped all over. They even try to use the same insults as dutchies and try to speak their langauge, but they just fail because they are basically a French speaking extension of Germany..
Scandinavians: Tbh they are all obsessive, I think they play 24/7 in the winter cause its dark outside, and then they lose track of time and because they never actually go outside they play through summer as well because they think its still winter. They also never talk.... They use there phsycodelic connection to one another to telepathically transmit where you are, then jump around the fucking corner prefiring like bitches, and its impossible to distinguish between them, Fins, Swedes and Norwegians are all the same, they might all be the same person, who would want to live that far north anyway. And I am suspicious of Sweden's 8 mb broadband in the artic circle, surely a country were the girls are that hot doesn't need porn, was all that just so everyone could pirate MamaMia ?
Americans: Americans always fail, they are all gun enthusiasts and when you own them you get the same response "I have fired an m4 its not the accurate" this is bollox, am I to believe every single one of there fucking 400million population has fired an m4. Then they all start moaning about how overpowered the AK is, Just because your fucking country can't make anything better than that 61 (62 when most of you read this) year old piece of shit. And they are all awful and have the most annoying voices, and fucking overrate everything "Ohhhh Myyy GAWWWD I JUST GOT 2 HEADSHOTS IN LIKE ONE MAP" its pisses me right off.
Eastern Europeans: People dislike Eastern Europeans because they take your jobs, I find it funny that you all slag them about been uneducated but they dominate you when it comes to getting employment, shows how valuable your education was mate. In my opinions they are heros of the modern world, always playing on UK servers even though it anals their pings. They are pretty good considering most of them made their pcs themselves....out of wood... Which is heroic. I honestly love them all.
Asians: They all hack.......
Spain and Portugal: I don't think the internet has got to Spain and Portugal yet, like I never see them anywhere, is anyone sure those countries exist, someone prove it....
So lastly the Irish hero's, I find general Irish gamers to be pretty average players but great buzz, seriously go on an Irish ts during a match and you will find they are not concentrating at all, "oh boy, down the pub last night......." gives a real long story that eventually ends with an argument about whether or not David Beckham could beat Kylie Minogue in an arm wrestle. This is why I love Ireland. |
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| Beitrag vom 09.03.2009 - 12:48 |
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| 95 Beiträge - Neuling
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jo bis i da cha chöne lese hani de leo echli müese strapaziere
http://dict.leo.org
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| Beitrag vom 09.03.2009 - 18:44 |
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| 45 Beiträge - Neuling
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und wo blibe Dschwizer? ...hart im nä und standfescht wie en Fels???? 
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| Beitrag vom 11.03.2009 - 17:14 |
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Administrator
1252 Beiträge - Hardcoreposter
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Sequels are never as good as the originals (except for Cruel Intentions 2, but that's just cause those two girls in the shower were FIT!!), and this will be no exception. This bad boy is going to be basing opinions on one or two players I know well from each country and therefore be more generalized and inaccurate than the first (is that even possible) so lets go!
Russia: When Napolean went into Russia, he got owned. When Hitler went into Russia he got owned and now when I go into Russia I get owned. I have discovered the problem. Fucking PINGS. 60 years ago Hitler had no idea what a ping was, he went in there probably lagging like a pornaholic with Utorrent open and got dominated. Russians of all nationalities seem least able to comprehend what difference pings make, they just assume your going to play on their servers (which they made themselves while in a Siberian Gulag). As for skillz pretty average as far as I can tell.
Italy: Italians are so laid back you would be forgiven for thinking they are absent. Honestly in the first clan I was ever in (4 year later I am still here lol) the guy who joined at the same time as me was Italian, he played for a week then fell asleep. He's gone now. Italy is famous for hot cars, chic women and good food, but lets face it, a Ferrari can't even make it 53 laps around Hungaroring without blowing up, (F1 joke, I am sad), Pasta and Pizza are the two easiest things in the world to cook and the last decent Italian babe is now married to the fucking president of France.....
Israel: As most of you do not know (because gamers tend to live in holes) Israel recently attacked Palestine (Lebanon), meaning most Israeli gamers are doing the real thing at the moment Which is good, cause they can't hack in the real thing. In fact I am fairly tempted to go out there and get my own back right now. Israel is home to many of the worlds biggest religions, Jerusalem is there along with the heads of Judaism and Bahai. So why are all Israeli players such dickheads? Surely they should be pious to at least one faith!!
Poland: Many people were annoyed I didn't specifically delve into Eastern Europeans last time out, here it is. Polish players seem to be the best of that slightly dodge group coming from your right hand side. It can be sometimes hard to tell the difference but if you want my opinion Poles are much more up for buying UK than most of their close neighbours. Probably cause most of them live in the UK.
Hungarians: Contrary to Poles, Hungarians tend to screw you over with shit servers all the time. There skills are however in some way acceptable, like they train a lot. According to the British Embassy Association Hungarian is the hardest language in the world to learn, so they should find English a piece of piss, but for someone unknown reason when you ask "where is server" they seem to have forgotten they were fluent a minute ago......
Canada: When I joined this clan back in the absolute Dee Ayy Why Eee it was led by an Englishman and three Canadians. I put myself in a pretty good place to say what every Canadian in the world is like based on these three. Firstly they are incapable of training, possibly because an 8 pm session was 3pm over there... Owned. Secondly they were incapable of turning up for matches.... I was an clueless gamer and figured any ping between 50 and 300 was acceptable to play on, but I had been gaming for like a month. They should have known better.
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| Beitrag vom 16.03.2009 - 13:26 |
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Administrator
1252 Beiträge - Hardcoreposter
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I have decided after Blog 2 I am Already going to hell, and may as well go out with a bang.
I tried to cover all requests in this blog, I had some help from Krip in Fatgames to sort this one out, but original ideas were hard to find so they are a bit thin on the ground.
Disclaimer* : Any racism was intended for humour purposes only, I was racist against myself as much as anyone.
Greece: Greeks are like the developed country that gets the most screwed over by the low speed of the internet. They have pretty much the same facilities as the rest of us but are so fucking far away its just not worth the effort. As a result they play between themselves and have missed out on the development the rest of us are getting. First thing they did was re-skinned all the games so they were wearing nothing but fake tan and red tunics. Next thing was under powering all the guns so to get a kill the bullets would need to block out the sun, a shame, cause they fight in the shade. Whenever they play proper European teams they get owned, simple reason "This is NOT SPARTA this is the fucking internet mate, get used to it".
Scotland: Scotland, famous for whiskey, anger and pulling their skirts down before a battle, I thought the point of the kilt was to wank off without having to get undressed. When asked what a Scottish man wears under his kilt I always say "A Cucumber" cause his dick has shrunk from all the years of freezing cause he's not wearing anything under the damn kilt. Scottish gamers have all the negative arrogance traits of English gamers, without any of the skill and also the ability to be completely incomprehensible in everything they say. On the plus side if Mel Gibson comes on pretending to be Scottish its usually fucking epic.
Egypt: Is everyone from Egypt called Mido? PG tips had to introduce pyramid teabags to have somewhere to bury all the Egyptians I was owning, honestly they are just that bad. Its always (for obvious reasons) in lower end games too. I go onto Medal Of Honour these days and the average ping is 154 and everyone's fucking
Bosnia and Herzegovina: WTF, I said in my other blog, advise me on nations to do and give me some pointers on what to say..... I haven't a fucking clue. Instead of talking about them I decided to just copy and paste one of the more hilarious passages from their wiki. "There are seven major rivers in the Republic of Bosnia and Herzegovina:" Thanks for that wikipedia.
China: I love Chinese, me and my mates got a Chinese last night... She was great. Chinese parents can only have one kid, so all the gamers end up orphans, they keep trying till they get an epic Table Tennis player so they can send him to Olympics when he's 14 and sell him off to a mining company when he loses a semi final. Most Chinese gamers come under the category of gold farmers, they are people who make more money selling WoW gold then growing rice, and people wonder why there is a global food crisis. It's literally all WoW's fault. China are still engaged in an epic starcraft battle with South Korea, we in the free world can't hope to know what the fuck they see in that game but if I had to pick a side I think I would go with China, I like my dog, as a pet... Not dinner.
Africa - Egypt and South Africa (and therefore 90% of the money): So what do African gamers bring to servers (apart from Lag, abuse and Acquired Immune Deficiency syndrome). Playing mixes with Africans is a royal pain in the ass they say "brb drink" and have to walk 7 miles for water.... Even though they live in London. Experts say Malaria will be eradicated by 2012, so you can expect to see many more Africans, in your clan, on cb and in your spare room (I fucking hate overusing the word in). Robert Mugabe once said "Our party must continue to strike fear in the heart of the white man, our real enemy!" this certainly bears true in games... For good and bad.
Brazil: The first country in the world to power pcs on rainforest alone, so don't expect to see them in Cod6. Brazil is famous for footballers, ass cheeks and Brazilian wax. Rio De Janeiro has the record for the biggest floating Christmas tree in the world, what's the relevance to gaming... No idea.... What Brazil's relevance to gaming.... No idea.... Why am I talking about Brazil cause of the Female ref who got banned for posing naked on the cover of playboy.... she was fit.
Australia: The problem with most Australians is even if they are playing their closest Neighbour on a server hosted in a ranch outbuilding in between the two, they still each get a 180 ping. The person who recommended this country said "cuz all i know about Australia is that they got kangorous (typo l0l) and that some live like 10 meters above the ground :P". Well thanks for giving me soooo much to work with mate. I really appreciate it. Truth isn't there isn't all that much to Australians apart from incredibly fit accents on females... Too bad there are no Girls on the Internet.
Wales: Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag Sheep Shag
http://www.clanbase.com
Der Post wurde 1 mal editiert, zuletzt von Tom am 16.03.2009 - 13:30.
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| Beitrag vom 16.03.2009 - 13:29 |
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